About The Shockuation Room Correspondents

Coyote Rush –

Coyote Rush was born in 1978 to an illiterate couple in Jot ‘Em Down, Texas. From an early age Coyote was very interested in things that were happening around him. Without the proper assistance from his illiterate parents he learned how to read and write at college level by the age of 3. He made his own weekly informational pamphlet for the surrounding towns at the age of 5. At the age of 6 he taught his parents to read and write. He graduated from Richard Martin High School at the age of 9. With the help of Coyote both his parents graduated summa cumlaude from Texas Tech. Coyote Rush currently makes his home in Hellhole Palms, California.

Kipp Beansworth –

Kipp Beansworth is The Shockuation Rooms’s entertainment and pop-culture correspondent. He has several elaborate theories involving pop culture and the McKinley assassination, all of which are available on request.

Kipp began his professional life as a veterinarian. In time, however, his affection for writing, popular culture and television eclipsed his veterinary ambitions. He shoved his feline cadavers in the back of the closet, gave their living-room space to DVD sets of Three’s Company and never looked back.

Although he hasn’t owned a television set in nearly three decades, Kipp has recapped several hundred hours of programming — including both Citizen Kane movies, for which he did not receive hazard pay. Since 2003, he has been a contributor to KFC.com, where he has written about books, movies, television and pop-culture miscellany.

Kipp’s work has also appeared on Buzzard (Hollywood magazine’s entertainment blog), in Anti-TV Guide and in many, many veterinary medical journals.

Kipp lives in Burbank, CA., where he devotes himself to his nephews, his Scrabble friends, and perfecting his plan to build the world’s best rollercoaster.

Dr. Sanskrit Grumpay –

Dr. Sanskrit Grumpay was born in 1983 in Climax, Michigan. At the age of three his family moved him to India. At the age of three and a half the family moved him back to Michigan. Sanskrit started taking college classes at the age of fifteen from the University of Michigan. At eighteen he had his Doctor of Medicine and at nineteen performed his first brain surgery. By twenty three he had performed 2,000,112,333,444,555,221 brain surgeries.

Believing he had proved all he needed to prove in the brain field he moved on to other fields and immediately mastered them. As James Dust once said, “Dr. Sanskrit Grumpay is one of the foremost intellectual leaders on everything.”

Humphrey L. Huckleberry-

Humphrey Lug Huckleberry was born out of wedlock in Elko, Nevada.  Growing up around the desert, he dreamed of being a miner like his father Ludwig.  However, at a young age his father died in a mining blast and soon after Humphrey skipped town to Davenport, Iowa to research corn.  It is here that he met his future wife Mary Blurpin (a nice lady with an unfortunate name) and they wed in 1995 at a White Castle.  After unsuccessful attempts at trying to popularize a new type of energy drink called “Corn Pop” (a mixture of corn flavored soda, hot sauce, and Redbull), Humphrey decided to attend journalism school at the University of Sisco in Liverpool, UK which he graduated from in 1999.  Shortly after graduating, he had his first hit in creating the “Y2Keep on Trucking” guide for the millennial doomsday preppers.  For the next few years he traveled the UK writing cultural pieces ranging from “Home Fixes for Bad Teeth” to “The Royal Conspiracy.”  The last piece resulted in an altercation between him and Elizabeth II in which she blind-sided him with her fist.  He did get a few good shots in, but the lady has got moves.  In 2005, Humphrey moved back to the states to research the unusual popularity of frog leg consumption in Coldwater, Michigan.  Since then, Humphrey has been traveling the states writing and helping those he can. Recently, he has been trying to unravel the conspiracy that Chihuahuas are actually an alien/dog hybrid created by the government to secretly brainwash and control the populace over the next few generations.

 

Taffy Hawkley –

Taffy Hawkley, originally from Chattanooga, Tennessee, is The Shockuation Room’s food, health and lifestyle correspondent.

Taffy got her start at Chattanooga’s local WWXZ, where she worked under the mentorship of legendary news anchor Tippy Rollins. The culmination of her time with WWXZ resulted in her winning an award for her series on Tennessee’s Young Miss Glitz pageant (in which she competed and won several categories as a youngster). While reporting on the pageant, Taffy was the first person ever to discover and research the direct correlation between spray tans and low IQs. This discovery catapulted Taffy into the journalistic limelight. (Taffy has never publicly addressed the likelihood of her IQ having been effected by spray tanning.)

Taffy currently has many projects under way, including an upcoming peice on how to make all your Christmas gifts using one cheap art store supply (pipe cleaners!), and a five-part series loosely entitled “Forrest Gumbo? Wayne’s World of Noodles? Can a Movie-Themed Restaurant Be How YOU Make Your Millions?”..

Robinson Murphy – Died and is replaced by James Dust.

James Dust –
James Dust was created out of the vast nothingness that is nothing. He is nothing and will always be nothing besides everything that you want him to be. He’s a little like Visa, “everywhere you want to be.” However, he is only where he wants to be. He sleeps inside your brain.

Fox Storm –

The true brother of Coyote Rush. The quieter, more reserved computer programmer that will stop at nothing to write hardly any damn posts because he believes that he can’t write very well. Which is a lie. Dang it BROTHER WRITE OR RIGHT SOMETHING!

Cara Caraboutit-

Is a wonderful woman that was born in Indiantown, MI. She currently lives in Chicago and loves it. She loves to walk dogs, scientists are saying. She loves to paint, color and basically have a grand time. When she is having a grand time she laughs like there is no tomorrow and it’s a beautiful thing. Her favorite things include: The Beatles, The Arrow Liquors, The Henry Van Loons and Taco Bell at 4:40 in the A.M.

Izzy Baconski –

Izzy Baconski is rumored to be a mysterious, reclusive woman. She supposedly lives in a remote, cave-like structure and has a propensity for adopting two-legged animals, particularly horses. Those who’ve heard of her say that she survives on a strictly fruitarian diet, except for the occasional steak or heavily processed snack food. Izzy, however, could not be reached for comment, and literally none of these statements have been confirmed. The only thing we know for sure about Izzy is that she resides on Bouvet Island, a completely uninhabited Norwegian island.

Starburst Cockadoodledooley – – Has maybe the best name ever, but sadly never learned how to log into her account. She is not fired, but retained on sheer luck. I love her. But not as much as the next person.

Turtledove Lancaster – started life dancing through the dog shit and tip-toeing through the tulips of Toledo, Oh…After short stints in Helsinki and Geneva, He found himself settled firmly between two large puddles of water in the northern sector of winter mittens, 3 clicks east of San Fransisco, and 5 trots north of a ham sandwich….This unique location gives him unequivocal understanding of the unrelenting underestimated underdog reports often overlooked by the mainstream media outlets. He hates tomatoes, heat, and anything that involves corduroy in any fashion. Take this with as much Salt-N-Pepa as you wish. The truth will flow, the rhetoric will spew, the record will turn.

Son of a Gun,

Sleeping, working, sleeping, eating, Mania-Depression.

 

Justin A. Marshall- Coyote Rush-Sleepy heads and wide awakeys. Dorks and Bosses, B.A. and B.S. M.A. And NA. AAA and help yourself.

Was born in Sandusky, MI in 1983. He was raised first in Pontiac, MI and then Marlette, MI. He graduated from high school in 2002. Graduating with: honors, NHS, Who’s Who of High School Students, Republican Scholarship winner, along with several other grants and awards. Most of the time he finished runner up. But, that was taking one for the team. His favorite sports growing up were: Swimming, Dancing, Basketball, Gymnastics, Acting, Talking, Sleeping, Joking, Learning, and being a pure pain in people’s behind. He also enjoys: tennis, basketball, baseball, hockey, football. Like most people he loves music and movies have a special place in his heart. Reading is also a favorite. Lastly, following the Russian Federation’s current news and past history is an enjoyable feature.

Who is Justin Marshall? And why are you reading this?!

He graduated from CMU in 2007-2008 with a degree in education. He has a real estate license and takes continuing education classes to keep the license. Justin has continued to sub and attend groups and classes since and before that time. He doesn’t have the moves like Jagger, but he can do a good Charlie Brown dance. He has blind danced. He has caught people. He has pulled a comb over. It matters not to him. He loves people and helping. Help him and keep reading the Shockuation room

He likes peppermints, long walks and talks, soul mates, stay up lates, writing, singing, keyboards, and being an all around good guy. He loves teaching, subbing, coaching, being part of a team and at times being alone.

Taking part in walks for cancers, walks for babies, walks for friends, walks for bands, walks for God, walks for Planned Parenthood, walks for Abstinence. He has been picked last for teams, he has been picked first for teams.

It’s redundant, that’s why his story goes on, unfinished. For years!

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