The Shockuation Room

From Scranton, PA I had roughly 120 miles left of my journey. It was 9:43 am and my flight left for Britain at 3:30 eastern time. In my mind I felt that even if I had a total meltdown in NYC I should be able to hitch a ride from Kramer pulling a rickshaw and get to JFK in time.

The ride from Scranton to NYC was dull, however with every approaching mile I felt the weight of NYC bearing down and I started to run anxious scenarios in my head about all the terrible things that could happen.

“What if I’m just driving down the street and some wild dog like CUJO jumps through the window and into my passenger seat and he like steals my pop!?”

“What if it’s a nice dog and he jumps through my window and he’s homeless and now I have to take him to an animal shelter?”

“What if a cat dive bombs me from a high rise and comes swooping into my car because he’s discovered Zoltan’s cat nip I forgot to take out!”

“And what about if a man is walking along the side walk stumbles out into the street and accidentally cleans my windows? What am I supposed to pay these people?!”

My brain was working overtime and beginning to fill with dread as it seemed every passing road sign mentioned NYC and I could not, even if I wanted to pull away from its gravitational pull. That in mind I started to realize that this was going to be a little different than driving around Liberty City in a . Suddenly I thought, maybe I wasn’t so prepared to handle NYC traffic with only 38 hours of GTA 3 under my belt. I should have never believed my neighbor ‘Grass Seed’ when he told me “Oliver, GTA 3 is used in classrooms for defensive driving to simulate real life driving situations. My cousin,, played GTA 3 for three days straight, recorded himself the entire time, sent it into one of those there schools, four hours later he had himself a certificate and everything talking about defensive driving and what not. Don’t let New York City scare you, you get on your PS2 and play your head off.”

And that’s just what I felt like, I felt like I had left my head next to a TV in Allegany, which in my opinion was not a benefit when it comes to driving.

Ted, had something to say about my anxiety and stress that was sky rocketing. At first it seemed he was trying to ease my worried mind by calling on a reserve of power, he had never seemed like a sports car, but suddenly he was the little car that could! He more responsive than he had ever been Ted was reading my mind and performing the traffic maneuvers before my brain had came up with the though. I felt like Ted had mysterious became and that made me feel pretty badass. No road was going to stop Ted/KIT and I, make way NYC, prepare to be owned.

That ended abruptly as Ted started to have some sort of a seizure while driving down I-678. I had a strong inclination that this could only end badly. Ted was performing the Merton Hanks chicken dance in car version. It would have been a sight to see if you were not the one behind the wheel. Finally, I was forced off the road to the shoulder. I popped the bonnet (Like I was going to be able to figure out why Ted had just jumped the shark) and what I found underneath lead me to believe that Subway’s newest ingredient was finely shredded Psilocybin mushroom sprinkled on the bread. Because what I saw didn’t add up.