Category Archives: Uncategorized

It’s My Birthday…. Why do I still have to go to work?

Posted on September 19, 2011 by Coyote Rush

Vance County, North Carolina- A local man turned 28 years old today and still was expected to carry out his regular duties. These duties included: getting the baby breakfast, changed and ready for the day, showering, not to mention doing … Continue reading →

Man Visits Friend in Hospital: Avoids eye contact with every patient that has their room door open.

Posted on September 18, 2011 by James Dust

Charlottesville, V.A.- Taylor Brown, 26, has been visiting the hospital because his friend had emergency laparoscopic appendectomy. Even though there is only minor complications Brown says his friend is doing fine, but “you still need to show up and visit … Continue reading →

Posted in Breaking News | Tagged "there is really only one thing that completely bothers me. When I walk up and down the halls, 29, aylor's friend, but good God, but I don't really mind them too much. When you have friends in the hospital, come in here sunny, despite having one of the most douchey names anyone has ever heard is recovering quite fine. "Yeah it's super cool to know I have a friend like Taylor, even coming in the night that I got here. He is a great guy.", even if you don't give a shit." Taylor went on, get me out of here. Others eyes look at me and say, he's been here everyday, help me, I am not bothered by the stench of cleanser, I know a lot of people hate hospitals, if they catch a glimpse of you, let me tell you how I am dying of cancer of the everything and all the things I should have done with my life." Taylor said cringing. "I just hate those eyes, Man Visits Friend in Hospital: Avoids eye contact with every patient that has their room door open., or smell of slow death, Skylar Lenin, so I don't look in there, Taylor was listening to a 78 year old man's life story at the time of press release., the continuous squeak of shoes on the floor or totes smelling to high heaven of pure human excrement that say 'soiled linens.' The thing that really drives me crazy is when you're walking down the hal, the top of their head barely visible poking out of the blanket. Their eyes saying, you have to show up and act like you care, you're straight up screwed." | Leave a comment

Politikos Insidiae And Other Things People Pretend To Care About

Posted on September 17, 2011 by Allo Furairingting

RALEIGH, N.C.- In a state that President Obama won by less than 14,000 votes in the 2008 election, a new poll released shows that Obama’s approval rating has fallen to 48%. The goal of the Obama camp is to target … Continue reading →

Posted in Breaking News | Leave a comment

Man Watches Infomercial So Long That Product Seems Viable

Posted on August 11, 2011 by James Dust

Bacon, DE- Local resident, Jeremiah Bologna, 31, was said to watch the Magic Bullet infomercial three times in a row before even noticing he was sitting at the edge of his couch completely enthralled with what was now blaring at … Continue reading →

Posted in Breaking News | Tagged 'End of the World' party at Mick and Mimi's house. It really took me back to my college days, ", "The commercial starts off the morning after this massive like, blaring at top volume on his television at four a.m., Bologna went on for the better part of thirteen hours telling me his favorite parts of the infomercial which turned out to be every single part, but it never does, Hazel and Berman, Hazel is continuously smoking a cigarette that is looming to fall out of her mouth, he is a trip. He stumbles out into the kitchen looking like he drank a half gallon of Heaven Hill vodka. I love it! The rest of the guests proceed to make fun of him being a raging drunk for the rest , his smile never in danger of leaving his face., I couldn't resist becoming a fan. Not only is the product just amazing, it's amazing! She's amazing! And that Berman, Magic Bullet, multiple times. Jeremiah then launched into a thirty-five minute diatribe on how the commercial depicts the need for close friends to have a sleep over at least once a month., of course there would have been more chicks at one of my parties. Anyway, oh man, the guests wake up one by one all hungover and looking ragged. Lucky for them Mimi and Mick are pumped to show them their favorite party accessory- The Magic Bullet!", the people in this commercial are so loveable, When it first came on I couldn't help but think that it was the most ridiculous commercial I had ever seen. But, when they started doing demonstrations of all the things the Magic Bullet could do | Leave a comment

Leyland Gets Contract Extension Tigers to Promptly Tank Season

Posted on August 10, 2011 by Coyote Rush

Cleveland, OH- Tuesday the Detroit Tigers’ skipper received a one year contract extension, the Tigers held up their end of the deal by losing in the 14th inning to the second place Cleveland Indians. “The way I look at it … Continue reading →

Posted in Breaking News | Tagged ", " Leyland said while smoking three cigarettes at once. Leyland continued, "If you think about it we have this three game series with Cleveland in Cleveland, Batman, Cabby, Cleveland, Confused, Detroit, funny, funny news, funny political, got my extension now so we can relax and blow it down the stretch like we have the past four seasons, I ask a random child on the street to pick the lineup, I got my extension now so we can relax and blow it down the stretch like we have the past four seasons, I just put Raburn in for those. Don't even ask me why I wouldn't try pitching our rookie Jacob Turner.", Inge, Justin Marshall, Leyland, Leyland also plans on saving a spot for Brandon Inge who is currently in the minors and is batting a stellar .177 this season. Stay Tuned Tigers Fans! Coyote Rush, Miggy, OH-, Raburn, so we can finish the lead off then. Plus, sometimes I get a stray Batman or Superman, Sports, Superman, Tigers, Tigers held up their end of the deal by losing in the 14th inning to the second place Cleveland Indians., Tuesday the Detroit Tigers' skipper received a one year contract extension, Victor, we get swept there no problem. The lead is down to what two games at that point? Either way, we play them in about a week, which is a loss for sure. When Penny pitches I don't even make the lineup, you have to factor in a Brad Penny start in that week or ten days | Leave a comment

Southwest Suffer From Unseasonably High Temperatures

Posted on August 3, 2011 by James Dust

Phoenix, AZ- A couple awoke to sweat and extreme discomfort as temperatures overnight remained in the low 90’s. “This is so unusual,” said Phoenix resident Julia Johnes, who mentioned that the extra blanket she added three nights ago is so … Continue reading →

Posted in Breaking News | Tagged " mentioned Johnes. That outfit consisted of a bikini top and matching bottoms. Johnes continued, " said Johnes. A celebration for the upcoming changing of seasons was majorly effected by the surprisingly heat wave. All local events celebrating the coming of fall were canceled across the city exce, " said Phoenix resident Julia Johnes, "Lucky for us our jobs and children's schools have been closed by the City, "This is so unusual, According to local news station ABC15 KNXV-TV's weather authority, Amber Sullins, Arizona, blanket, blankets, but 113, citing serious health risks for anyone being outside today.", cold, coldness, couple awoke to sweat and extreme discomfort as temperatures overnight remained in the low 90's., Coyote Rush, even forcing the National Weather Service to issue Excessive Heat Warnings for the area in effect until 8 p.m. Thursday. Record highs have been reported around the city and temperatures will continue , extra blankets, funny, he desert couple is sticking together in this time of need. "I am going to shave my husband's beard today. It's such a shame because he was looking forward to having that beard for those cold nights c, heat, hot, in August, in my opinion, it has to be Global Warming, it will be extremely difficult to take off this time of the year., It's like summer in August!, it's so unusual for temperatures to be in the mid to upper 90s in august, James Dust, Jason Stieler, Justin Marshall, my husband helped me slip out of the hoody I was wearing last night and actually picked out my outfit today, phoenix heat wave, Rhonda Turner, Scottsdale, so hot, Southwest Suffer From Unseasonably High Temperatures, stories, temperatures will remain higher than normal, unfortunately that ended rather abruptly. Shockingly eight minutes after the blocks of ice were delivered to the sculptors they melted for some reasons. The ice sculpting organizer was quoted as sayin, unusual, who mentioned that the extra blanket she added three nights ago is so silky and comfortable, why is it so hot in august in arizona | Leave a comment

Oliver Pepper: Trip To Somalia (From New York City to Still New York City)

Posted on August 2, 2011 by Coyote Rush

Upon further inspection there was nothing that resembled what belonged underneath a normal hood. It looked as if I had opened the hood to find a mythical city. There was a waterfall where the battery belonged, Unicorns frolicked to and … Continue reading →

Posted in Breaking News | Tagged Abdiweli Mohamed Ali, africa, African Union Mission to Somalia, AIDS, AK-47, Al-Shabaab, Djibouti, don't tase me bro, drought, dying babies, famine, Hunger, international welfare, license and registration, Mogadishu, Nuclear Waste, Ogaden War, Oliver Pepper: Trip To Somalia (From New York City to Still New York City), Pirates, Real news, Sharif Sheikh Ahmed, shawshenk traffic stop, sick puppy, Somalia, Terrorism, War, war world, world war II, world war three | 2 Comments

Heat Wave

Posted on July 22, 2011 by Fox Storm

It is so hot outside I was barely even able to reach the keyboard to type up this important news. I think slowly we will all be changing into legos and melting over the next week. This will be us … Continue reading →

Posted in Breaking News | 2 Comments

Best CD Ever?

Posted on July 17, 2011 by Coyote Rush

The Arrow Liquors- Missing: Steven Givens

Posted in Breaking News | Tagged Denial Song, Henry Van Loon, Justin Marshall, Missing: Steven Givens, Southern Girl, The Arrow Liquors, Troy Macumber | 1 Comment

®

Posted on July 15, 2011 by James Dust

Boom, boom, pow. Explosions. boom goes the dynamite. Is it a requirement that in every action or thriller type movie there needs to be a minimum of at least three explosions or gigantic crashes? ZZONK!

Posted in Breaking News | Leave a comment

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