Anywhere-
A cute girl and a reasonably amazingly good looking guy start talking. They enjoy talking. They decide to hang out. Then do things as in: going out to eat, going to the movies, taking walks together, and stay up lateS.
They soon made it Facebook official, which everyone in the world means that it’s like chiseling it into a rock, somewhat like the Flintstones. Yeah, it’s that official.
Far be it for the guy to know that the girl had been texting her head off with a random dude. She was strangely waiting for the relationship to fall apart.
His name was Normal Richards and her name was Julia Martinez.
They were relatively close in age. They liked some of the same things, but both were very stubborn, which made it difficult and made it seem when Normal tried to get Julia to watch something he liked or listened to some music he like that she had already made up her mind that this isn’t for her.
Normal put up with constant hours of country music. And for Normal this was unNormal.
Listen:
After a bit things got weird. Normal started to notice Julia drifting away. Her getting mad at bizarre things. Her ignoring compliments bestowed upon her by Normal. Her all around treating Normal like a very dirty diaper that smelled full of Indian food mixed with poop and topped of with that horrific smell of whatever your upstairs neighbors just made for dinner.
Normal realized this. It had happened before. Pulling away and such, he let it happen. It didn’t work out, he tried other things, like buying her mood rings. He bought her a cow so she didn’t have to buy milk. He thought it was a good idea. She didn’t think so. He would hug her, she would think it was weird.
So, he backed off completely. He resigned to his resign chair and played the Carpenters, “best of” no less.
Yeah, they broke up. Within 48 hours she had a new boyfriend, Normal was shocked. Julia was pumped. STRAIGHT TO FACEBOOK OFFICIAL STATUS!
Normal had a trick up his sleeve as Julia had a guy waiting in he wings for the break up, Normal had a robot. It was a sweet robot. It talked in a robot voice.
He constantly told it to call Julia and tell her to fuck off and he would in a very robotic way. Normal LOVED IT!
And that’s why when you start a relationship and you’re a dude, have to have a robot back up.
And we all know girls have guys waiting in the wings for as soon as they break up they have a rebound…”THAT THEY LOVE EVEN MORE, HE’S JUST SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUN.”
Not as much fun as Normal’s robot! I trust normal on that one! “BAM” was the last thing Normal said to me. The robot repeated… “BAM, exclamation point.”
JAMES DUST
I’m familiar with being treated like a very dirty diaper. Excellent/sad story, hilariously written