In a tragic misunderstanding, it was recently discovered that the newly crowned pageant queen Leila Lopes thought her intelligence, ambition, and all-around worldliness brought her the coveted title of Miss Universe 2011. In an exclusive Shockuation interview, Leila told us she was devastated to hear that the judges just thought she was really hot.
“I thought it meant something that I was in school, well-traveled, and wanted to dedicate the next several years of my life to AIDS/HIV research and awareness,” Leila wept. “But after the pageant was over, I got to review my score cards and they all had obscene drawings on them and comments like ‘I can see your ribs…so sexy!'”
Leila’s past in the pageant world has been rocky: after winning Miss Angola UK 2010 (which made her officially eligible to be in the Miss Universe pageant), there were protests about the validity of her victory because…well, what is she? Angolan, or British?
One devoted Miss Universe pageant watcher, Dottie Kwacheck of Milwaukee, said the confusion around Leila’s birthplace confused her. “Everyone kept saying she was from Africa, so I thought, ‘Oh, how wonderful would it be if one of them little kids with the flies all around ’em got the title of Miss Universe!’ But then someone else said she was from England, which don’t make any sense because she’s got beautiful teeth.”
“None of it even matters now,” Leila said. “I was clearly only picked because of my physical beauty. I mean, I thought this competition really meant something.”
When the Shockuation Room caught up with some of the judges for the pageant, they seemed surprised that Leila wasn’t already aware of the judging criteria. Model and pageant judge Isabeli Fontana said, “Did she really think that me, as a model, cared about anything other than how she looked?” She also noted that Leila has great abs.
Panel judge Farouk Shami said he tried to be as selective a possible, but that his decision essentially had nothing to do with anything other than the evening gown competition. “The thing of most importance to me is how much their clavicles stick out of their chest. If I can see their hip bones jutting out, that’s a bonus. And, I mean, boobs….gotta have em. Leila’s…well she’s got the ‘it’ factor.” Shami then put his right index finger on his rear end and said “Tssss!”
We caught up with pageant judge Connie Chung as she was leaving a Popeye’s restaurant, who simply said, “I’d do her.”
