Lack of News

I want to apologize for my inability to find important news. I recently was shot to the moon for over two weeks.

Listen:
I didn’t have any idea what was going on when I was there, so nothing important to report about. Plus, there were no pencils or pens on the moon.

Once again seriously listen:
The immigration agency believed it was necessary for me to go to the moon to check to see if there were any crazy alien plans to get across the border. However, the plan was not very well thought out. I was shot full of drugs to survive the trip to the moon. Sadly, the sedatives didn’t wear off when they planned they would and I was a mess for the entire time I sailed to the moon.

When I got to the moon they told me I didn’t need a space suit. This made sense to me because I was a bit sedated. Rumor had it that if you were in space without being pressurized properly then you would become space mush. For whatever reason that didn’t happen to me.

Anyway, I got out of the ship and there sure were aliens. And plenty of them, for whatever reason they didn’t appear to want to leave. They were creating a civilization on the moon. Full of whore houses, grocery stores, pet supply stores and mom and pop shops. It honestly looked like they had no reason to leave. I decided that leaving them alone was the best idea.

Suddenly, I woke up at home in my bed. Covered in newspapers. I had 3042 voice mails telling me not to ever plan on getting another call from the agency for another job after the mistakes I had made, how close I was to jeopardizing the mission and destroying America’s freedom! I had no clue.

Pay attention:
I wasn’t going to write about this, but I felt it was sorta news. (news??!?!)

Until next time

Coyote Rush