Summer time brings about grilling, swimming, laughing, playing and sadly, sneezing. We know the primary culprit is pollen. Types of pollen include: tree pollen, grass pollen, weed pollen, plant pollen, alien pollen, space pollen, human pollen and lastly the most dangerous of all- life pollen.
Now many of these allergies can be avoided or treated with a variety of different drugs such as various antihistamines. That works fine and dandy for some, but for those of you that still suffer greatly from those runny noses, sneezing, red eyes, dry eyes, no eyes, sore throats, devil horns and other symptoms that come from your specific allergy, I have great news.
The first thing that I recommend for all you suffers out there is to burn down all of your trees, plants and grass. That will prevent all of the vegetation from flowering thus limiting the pollination process. Now, you might be thinking to yourself, “Isn’t that a little drastic, Sanskrit?” My answer: no. The first question I have for you is, what is more important, the vegetation or you suffering from sneezing, dry eyes, red eyes, coughing, no eyes and devil horns? That’s what I thought, no one wants to sneeze for three months!
The second thing I recommend if burning down all the vegetation around your property doesn’t work is to become a bubble person. Yes, that’s right. In a bubble you control your environment to the precise levels that you desire! No more arguing with your children that the air conditioning isn’t cost effective. Now, you’re in a bubble! You want it 36 degrees? Go on, do it! You like to live in an oven? Be my guest, crank that thermostat up to 315, see if I care. That pretty much takes care almost all the pollen issues, including most life pollen.
Again, you may be asking yourself, “Dr. Sanskrit Grumpay is this really necessary?” My answer: do you see any other plausible ideas?! I don’t. Your second question might be, “where am I supposed to get one of those bubble things, especially one as fine as the product you describe, Dr.?” Well, you’re in luck! My family has been in the bubble business for years! My family has owned a factory outside of Gary, Indiana going on 402 years! We custom build any bubble you can dream of. The president owns three different makes and models, all in a bunker under the White House. He puts on that bubble as soon as he stops making a public appearance or televised speech.
If you would like information on your own bubble please visit our website: www.bigtimebubble.com, call at 941-969-8675309 or email at bigtimebubble@bubblebubblebubble.com
Sadly, I have no recommendation on alien pollen.
My only suggestions would be to hope they are nice.
Stay healthy! Till next time I’m Sanskrit Grumpay, MD and you’re in the Shockuation Room.
Dr. Sanskrit Grumpay is one of
the foremost intellectual leaders on everything.
-James Dust
OH MY WORD! So this is what you two hooligans have been up to!
We here at Shockuation are all about NEWS!, so of course this is what we have been up to.
With much NEWS!,
Fox Storm